Movies of 2012: The Hobbit The Unexpected Journey

Greetings,

First off let me say that due to the fact that it would take too long for me to talk about the Lord Of the Rings trilogy and the movie made by Ralph Bakshi, I'am not going to talk about any other previous movies that have anything to do with the Hobbit or the Lord the Of the Rings in general. I will talk about the Lord Of The Rings movies in the future, but not now.

And once again much to my evergrowing surprise people are feeling rather negative towards the Hobbit and honestly I don't know why, so if any of you do know please let me know since I would like to know what is so terribly wrong with this one.

I will give you this: spreading a rather short novel in to 3 separate movies is bullshit! And I was much more into the original idea of telling the story and then again there was that Tintin movie. But then I went and saw the Hobbit and here is my opinion about it:

It was perfect.

Now it's perfectly possible that I may change my mind and it's perfectly possible that the same thing might happen to this as it did with the Star Wars prequels. If this is going to happen I will inform you, but at this day and age in my humble opinion the Hobbit The Unexpected Journey is perfect.

Now just because I've said that the Hobbit is perfect doesn't mean that it's up there with Citizen Kane or Casablanca or anything like that. No no no no no. That would be an insult. What I mean is that I think that the Hobbit succeeds we're the Lord of the Rings movies failed. Now Lord of the Rings movies are good, I'm not saying that they aren't I'm just saying that to me that trilogy wasn't nearly as epic or as great as the books. I'll explain better some other time.

But the Hobbit succeeds on that. It's still lighthearted and all that but you know what? So is the book! I haven't read the book in years but I do remember that it was lighter than Lord of the Rings and to me it that is why the Hobbit is so good, since much like Spielberg Peter Jackson is just a competent film director. There is also that complain that there is too much action, but my explanation is that Peter Jackson listened to all those who said that there was too much walking in the Lord Of The Rings so there you go. Once again there is that so called plot-hole with the eagles, but to me there is no plot-hole. Why? Well just because the eagles are clever and bigger birds doesn't essentially mean that they should be treated as such. I mean just because they are Eagles doesn't mean that they have other things to do than flying bunch of smelly dwarves to some place.

I also saw the movie in 3D and in HFR (48Frames per second) 3D was just as non-existing as you might guess, the HFR made the movie nice and sharp.

So to put it simply just take The Hobbit the Unexpected Journey for what it is, a well made movie, but a prequel that should have been the first movie in the franchise.

So that's all for now 'till next time Live Long and prosper Asahamana is out *snap*

Movies of 2012 Iron Sky

Greetings,

Now that you know what movies I didn't saw last year, you might be wondering what those two movies are? I mean all those movies I mentioned that I didn't see were blockbusters, right? So what did I saw? Well the first movie I saw was The Iron Sky. Which is pretty much a dumb genre movie outside Finland and in Finland it's to quote a one movie critic:" The best Finnish movie of all time!" and in Finland it is and was pretty much the biggest thing ever. For instance in a popular Finnish movie review site - www.leffatykki.com - the Iron Sky had a written review in about the moment it came out in theatres, where as Marvel's The Avengers had a written review about 2-3 weeks after it first came out.

Now in order for you to understand why I feel what I feel towards this movie I have to give you some backstory:

It was 2006 I was 14 and I was a Scifi nerd. I loved Star Wars trilogies - yes both of them, those were innocent times - I loved Starship Troopers and I had just seen the latest Star Wreck movie: Star Wreck in the Pirkinning and I've loved it and I still do and it's hard for me to explain why I like it. I mean back when I was 14 I liked it because it has spaceships, space, scifi and very very crude humour, I'll admit the actual jokes are bad, but I still like all the yelling and screaming in it and all the references to Star Trek movies even though they are bad. It's really hard for me to explain why I like  in the Pirkinning, but it's guilty pleasure of mine so that's it. First time I've heard about the Iron Sky was an extra in the Imperial Edition of Star Wreck  in the Pirkinning, the extra was called:" Towards Iron Sky" in which they've said that one of the best modern authors in Finland Johanna Sinisalo was a member of the screenwriter team. As time went by I've learned a bit more about The Iron Sky, like the plot which is that Nazies come from the Moon to take over the world and do I even have to say how awesome that is?

Then finally in 2012 the movie was out and I went and saw it and I didn't like it - at all! And much to my surprise I'm part of a minority on this one! Even Film Brain liked it. What the hell! But honestly I can't say that I was let down by the movie mainly, because I didn't know what the damn thing was about! Seriously the only thing I knew was that the Nazies come from the moon and take over the world! The end!

But I still don't get it why they would screw this up! Hell it had one of the best Finnish authors in they're screenwriting team so what went wrong! Honestly I don't know. But even though Johanna Sinisalo is a great author and all I have to keep in mind that she is the one who wrote probably the worst Donald Duck story that I've have ever read! No I'm not even kidding! One of the best Finnish authors out there wrote the worst Donald Duck story that I've ever read.

But let's talk about The Iron Sky. So what went wrong? Well to be perfectly honest it's bad because it simply wasn't what I wanted it to be. I thought that the movie was going to be a really really good political satire, you know like Robocop or Starship Troopers. As a matter of fact Paul Verhoeven should have directed this one, hell there was a movie critic that said that. Instead they did a movie that reminds me of the stories I used to write when I was 13 years old. So what's wrong with the movie? It's not subtle or funny! I get it that it's making fun of Sarah Palin and how stupid she is and the Obama's presidential campaign, how stupid and selfish people are and how everything is going to hell when you're nation is lead by an idiot and I'll even give it to this movie that was how it made Sarah Palin look like a Hitler, when the Nazies came and used the same tactics as they did back in a day, but it's just not enough. The Iron Sky also has the laziest Downfall parody or the Hitler rant parody I've seen and it still baffles me to see it because it's just an internet meme and a really really old one too from 2006 - oh right. And making fun of Sarah Palin isn't really all that new either. But I'm not against that Hitler rant parody I just hoped that they would have done something better with it, like the greatest Hitler rant parody there is you know, because this is a major movie release! Well at least in Finland.

So now that I said that this movie sucked - and it did. Was there anything good? Well the cast was good like Udo Kier who I remember from Command&Conquer Red Alert 2 and it's expansion pack Yuri's Revenge as the Yuri, I also liked how they got Germans to play Germans and Americans to play Americans. The movie also looked good and I liked the contrast that they showed between the Nazi technology and the modern technology with the Nazies supercomputer and Washington's smart phone that was a bit funny. I also kinda liked the final space battle but saying that I liked is saying a bit too much. I guess I could say that I found it enjoyable. I also liked the North Korea joke and Finland not arming they're spaceship. But I would have liked it more if the Nazies had just taken over the world, because they so could have! But no, instead the movie went downhill trying to pay homage/ripping off Doctor Strangelove, but failing so very hard that it just wasn't funny.

I'll admit The Iron Sky is just a dumn popcorn movie except that I really didn't like it. But my major problem is that it's just not for it's not what I expected but also that it had a lot of of good people behind it just fails and I just can't get it why someone would make anything like this. Seriously how the hell you screw this up! Was it really that hard to make a good political satire? Or what? Why? ON WHAT KIND OF PLANET WE LIVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD MAKE ANYTHING LIKE THIS? WHY? WHY? WHY?

*pant pant pant* Don't worry I'm cool it's just that I can't believe how you can be this lazy. I'll admit it's not the worst movie ever and I appreciate what it did to the Finnish cinema, but then again there was Dark Floors which was way way worse, but on Dark Floors I didn't expect anything! But then again shame on me for expecting anything from the Iron Sky, because it came from people who made Star Wreck  in the Pirkinning which was really bad, but I still like it for reasons and then again I'm kinda glad that this movie just barely paid itself back as letting that being a lesson for future Finnish movie makers. But hey it seems to be the way of the day that it doesn't really matter what the movie is about as long as it looks good I mean that's why 3-D still exists right?

Speaking of 3-D next time, I'll talk about that other movie I also saw last year. 'till next time, live long and prosper Asahamana is out *snap*

The movies of 2012 The Introduction

Greetings,

As a preparation for my reviews of the movies of 2012 that I did saw, I decided to how I go see movies:

First of I don't see that many movies, by the end of 2012 I only saw two movies, that's right two which is a stark contrast to internet critics like Brad Jones, Noah Antwiler, Doug Walker and Mathew Buck who see several movies a year. I'm not holding that against them, in fact I'm rather jealous of the amount of movies they see every year. But the thing is that I'm only seeing the movies that I want to see that is that I go and see movies that I think are going to be good, because I just want to see a good flick. This means that I'm most likely going to see the biggest blockbusters of the year. Not to mention I just don't have time to see every movie that comes out of theatres every year and going to see movies is rather expensive. So I've decided to make a list of some of the more popular movies of 2012 on which you might want to hear my opinion, it's rather late but hey! There's always Blu-ray:s, DVD:s and internet so you can see them any time you want to.

1. Marvel's The Avengers, I didn't see because I don't care about american superheroes and I didn't see Captain America, Iron man movies, the Incredible Hulk or Thor either simply because I just didn't care.

2. The Dark Knight Rises, I didn't see because I was in Estonia at the time and I've heard nothing than bad about it ever since. I will mostly likely watch it at some point simply, because it has the goddamn Batman in it.

3. The Hunger Games, I didn't see because I didn't know about it. Seriously I've completely missed the entire Hunger Games series. I thought about reading the books, but in the back cover there was a quote from Stephanie Meyer, yes from that woman! Saying that Hunger Games is really, really great! Needles to say I left the book alone and ran away. I will most likely see it just to see what all the fuss was about.

4. Skyfall, I didn't see because I don't care about James Bond. I've never have and I never will. I haven't seen any of the Bond movies either simply because I just don't care and I'm not planning on seeing neither The Skyfall or the other Bond movies.

5. The Twilight saga Breaking Dawn Part 2, I didn't see because like I said earlier I don't like the works of Stephanie Meyer. But I was planning on seeing it because of all the stuff I've heard about and I really really wanted to see it, but sadly I just couldn't find time to see it. I might just see it just for the curiosity.

6. The Amazing Spider-Man, I didn't see because I never cared for Spider-Man and as a matter of fact I hate it. I hate the concept. Why? Because it's simply too ridiculous and silly to me, it's basically the same thing as with the X-men. I did read a couple of Spider-Man comics when I was younger and I really just didn't care for them, I also did watch the cartoon when I was a kid and I tried to watch it again, when I was a bit older and back when they did a re-run of it and I just rolled my eyes and changed the channel. Sam Raimi flicks I thought that they were horrible! All of them and I was just about 14 when I first saw them, so yeah. Anyways if you like Spider-Man, more power to you and I'll admit there are some stories that must be somewhat good, for instance I've heard a lot about the "One more day"-series.

7. Brave, I didn't see because I missed it. Seriously I've heard nothing about it when it came out and I've only recently heard about it that - it's - well - it's Brave! The end. I will see it at some point, but don't expect  me to see it anytime soon because I just don't care about it. But I will probably see it, because it has red haired women in it and I like red haired women.
Yeah I'm so going to Hell.

8. Ted, I didn't see because I missed it too. Am I planning on seeing it? Nope! Why? Because it's made by Seth MacFarlane most famous for such TV-series as "American Dad" and "Family Guy" and unfortunately I'm part of that demografic, who just hate those show's. I used to like them when I was a kid and my sister still does but as I grew up I noticed that they both have only a couple of jokes which they keep recycling 'till the end of time. Not to mention to me both the "American Dad" and "Family Guy" are just so unpleasant and I keep getting the Shrek-vibes from them, so yeah. But as I just mentioned Shrek I'm going to say that I think that those movies are OK.

As I'm reading these from Boxofficemojo.com I've just gotten to Madagascar 3 which I didn't see because I missed it too and I'm not planning on seeing it. But because there is so many movies out there, I'm just going to list now the more popular movies of 2012 and say did I see them or not.

Wreck-it-Ralph, I didn't see

MIB 3, I didn't see

Lincoln, I didn't see

Django Unchained, I didn't see

Prometheus, I didn't see.

Argo, I didn't see.

Life of Pi, I didn't see.

Flight, I didn't see.

The Expendables 2, I didn't see as I didn't see The first Expendables.

Looper, I didn't see.

The Dictator I didn't see, because I had no time. I did like the Borat though.

 Total Recall (2012), I didn't see, because at the time I was in Estonia.

ParaNorman just came in theathers here in Finland, haven't seen it and I don't think that I will.

Paranormal Activity 4, I didn't see because I just don't care about Paranormal franchise.

The Cabin in the Woods, I didn't see because I've just missed it. Am I planning to? Maybe.

Frankenweenie, just came in to theathers here in Finland and I'm not planning on seeing it.

Nightmare-Painajainen merellä. If you haven't heard about this one. I don't blame you. It's a Finnish movie based upon a popular Finnish soap opera and I've missed it, because I didn't have time, but I'm planning to because someway, somehow they turned Nightmare- Painjainen merellä into a horror movie and I've have to see how they did it.

So that's all for now, next time I'll be talking about the movies I did see, so 'till then Live Long and Prosper Asahamana is out *snap*

Quain Laroche#2

We arrived to a nearby town. It's night, the lorry 'as 'alted. Rene says that we did well and that we can now go to bed, since 'e and 'e's brother will 'ide the lorry. Jacque wished me good night, 'e's the one who told me about Rene and 'ow I could join to the Resistance.

Searching for a shelter for the night. 'ow I 'ate this. Seaching for someplace to sleep. There's one right in front of me, seems to be a safe place. It's nothing much, only a safe corner with some rugs and other garbage covering it. Blessed be the France and 'er warm summer nights.

It's morning I wake up. The floor was 'ard, but I'm used to it. I light a cigarette.

Aaaah- morning smoke, best part of the day, it wakes you up and prepares you for the upcoming day. But after the smoke, comes 'unger.

I walk to the town square. I see the chruch and it's clock, it's seven in a morning, still tired and back aches it's been, achening ever since I got to Paris, but now I'm in countryside don't know where though. I could be in Colmair for all I know. I need to get myself some breakfeast.

I smell bread. Still warm. The smell is intoxicating. I follow the smell, it leads to a bakery – well of course.

I try to find the door, while watching out for Boche. I find it but it's locked – well of course it is.

But I don't pick locks.

I'll walk out of the town, while avoiding Boche, it's easy. As long as you stay out of the main roads and avoid the checkpoints and patrols. I'm at the edge of the town. Only a wooden fence to get past on. I watch out for Boche, can't see them. I walk nearer the wooden fence and get over it. If I remember right, there was suppose to be an orchard not too far away, depening that I'm walking in the right direction.

Aargh – 'unger it 'urts.

While I walk away from the town I see peasents, allready working.

Those poor whores! Not knowing that they shouldn't be trusting they're customeres. Some are rebuilding. Rebuilding they're brothels, can't stand watching them.

I arrive to the orchard and not a moment too soon. All I 'ave to do now is just to take one step to get over the fence. I see trees, plenty of 'em. With apples, they will do.

I try to find myself something to collect them but I find nothing. Damn this 'unger! I forgot I'm on apple steal. Just like when I was a kid. I walk to a nearby tree, it 'as plenty of apples, I pick up a stick so that I can hit myself couple of 'em.

Apples we're good, but now I'm thristy. Where to find something to drink? But where is everyone?

This whole place is empty, certainly there would be someone up allready? I look around, nothing else than apple trees in the orchard, whole place 'as fence around it. I walk. It's cloudy. I wonder again, all these apples untouched in such an easily reachbaple place too.

Something is wrong. I see a large farmhouse nearby, I decide to go and take a look, maybe in there I will get to know what is wrong with this place and also find something to drink.

I enter to the yard of the farmhouse, nothing seems to be wrong. I knock on the door of the farmhouse. No-one is at 'ome. I try the door. It's open. I enter. It's quiet. It's dark. I try my pockets, where did I put my matches? Of course – on the left pocket of my trenchcoat.

I'll find a lamb, I light it. Whole place seems to be clean, well atleast it doesn't seem like there was a fight or anything. I go the whole 'ouse through, but find nothing. No-one's 'ome. Where is everyone? It doesn't make any sense, certainly someone would be up already. The kitchen is practicly untouched. Nothing seems to be stolen or even moved.

I go out again. It's too calm and quiet. It makes no sense! I go through every single building that I find, but find nothing.

I go through the whole place trying to find a clue. I find an entrance to the basement, maybe there lies an answer to this mystery and perhaps something to drink. I try the door. It's open. I enter in to the basement and search for another lamb to light, but find none. I go back in the farmhouse and take the lamb in there and go back to the basement.

It's dark. It's moist. It smells like apples. It smells like a basement. Suddenly I remember 'ome. I was a child. I remember that our basement was small, much like the 'ouse. Aaah... good times. Suddenly it feels like I've been 'ere. Is this – my 'ome? No. It can't be. I lived in a town. In Colmair. Not on the countryside. But why does it feel like I've been 'ere before? I must find my parents, I must find out what 'append 'ere.

I climb down, the stairs. I'm at the bottom of the basement. I find a lamb and light it. I light all the lambs in 'ere. Now that it's all lighted up in 'ere what do I see?

Food

Apples, plenty of 'em. Barrels. Shelves filled with jars, filled with jelly. I walk around. I find a shelf filled with wine bottles, don't care what wine it is. I open a bottle and take a sniff, smelles just fine to me. I drink it. I spit the first mouthfull on the floor, old 'abit, tasted just fine though. It's made from grapes, takes away my thrist. Still tastes just fine. While I'm drinking it I take a look on the floor and I see it.

Blood

Not a puddle, just some drops 'ere and there already dryed to the floor as some brown mess. I empty the bottle and start to follow the drops of blood. It leads to the basement steps. Some one killed the residents, and then carried them away. But where?

I climb back up. I see no blood. No trail. Murderer might 'ave used a wagon to move the bodies somewhere else. Long time ago. It might 'ave 'appened even while the Boche we're invading. But then why to bother with the bodies? I start searching the whole place again. I search the outskirts of the farmhouse and the orchard. Then I find it.

The grave

I go back to the farmhouse to find a shovel and then back to the grave and then I start digging. Land is soft so digging goes well. Soon enough the shovel 'its into something. I start digging with 'ands. Bodies are now revealed. Five of them. Most likely father, mother and theree children. I turn around and vomit. I'm disgust. I bury the bodies once more and take back the shovel.

'Ow I 'ate the boche. I'm sitting in the farmhouse. Smoking while drinking wine. To 'onor them. I should tell someone. But who?

A priest? I don't know any. A police? They're all collabarateurs so it's pointless. Rene? 'e might know something – 'opefully.

It's afternoon. Sun is shining. I closed all the doors and took nothing. Why should I 'ave taken anything? All I need now is answers. And Boche, dead. Every last single one of them. 'Ow I 'ate them. They are all death to me now.

I'm 'eading back to town. I try to find peasents, those digusting whores, since they might know something. But I see no-one. I 'ate Boche even more. I can't wait to kill them. I shall give no mercy for Boche anymore. I'm going to kill all of them.

I 'ate them.

I'm in town. I go to Jacque's Cafe. Jacque is my contact to Rene and to resistance. I order a beer. That's all I need and all I want now.

Boche. The cafe is full of them. Filthy Boche drinking wine, talking and laughing. Yet they're 'ands are red from the blood of french. That is the 'ands of every single one of them. Filthy, sausage eating pigs, but they all shall be slautgereth like the pigs they are. Jacque comes with the beer and gives me a piece of paper.

Come 'ere after the curfew,

That means that on night we 'ave some activities. That means that I get to kill boche –

and meet Rene.

The End

February

Greetings, my league of vigilance

It's been quiet for far too long. I admit that. Once again It's all my fault, but I'm going to get my groove back now, so yeah. First of I'm going to have updates at the beginning of each month. So here's the list of things that I'm going to do this month:

First of Quain Laroche#2 I know it's been way too long for Mr. Laroche. What can I say? I'm just not used to on writing stories with deadline. Now I'm planning to have a Mr. Laroche story every month, it was stupid to say once a week I'll admit.

Second of my thoughts on movies I saw 2012. I wasn't really going to do this, but I just might do this.

Third of All the stuff I've missed from my Star Wars retrospective, this is going to be a long one.

Fourth of anime reviews. What animes? You'll see.

Fifth of video reviews coming up this month again Tintin related.

So that's all for now, there might just be more, but hey February is a short month and I've got schoolwork to do so I don't know but what I've mentioned above will be here on February.

So 'till next time Live Long and prosper, Asahamana is out *snap*