My Star Wars Retrospective: The Future

Greetings,
My league of vigilant readers, and welcome to the last part of my personal Star Wars retrospective, and much to my own amazement, I'm already on the last part of this! And here I was thinking that I wasn't going to be done till somewhere around the next millennium. Well live and learn. So without further ado let's get this over with! Hit it Hot Waffles!

----------------------------------- What? Oh - this is awkward - there is actually no more lyrics from that song that I can misuse. Damn. Aah - now I know! Yes this one is really good! 

The Future of Star Wars 

Ok, so let's get the obvious part out of the way: Disney bought Star Wars! And here is my opinion: let's hope for the best. Now at this point it's a bit too early to say what they are going to do next, since the next Star Wars movie isn't going to be out till 2015, but what I've heard is that it's going to take place after the Return of the Jedi and it's going to be based upon one of the novels on that timeline. Now this is all based upon an article I've read from a Finnish newspaper called: Aamulehti, it's a good honorable newspaper so I'm going to trust that they're sources are reliable. In that article they said that Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill have been contacted by Disney, list but Mr. Ford said that they're still negotiating, and if he doesn't like the script he's not going to be in it, and since it's been awhile since I've read any of the novels and knowing how few of them I actually read I'm not 100% sure whether or not Han Solo was in all of them that took place after the Return of the Jedi, I'm just going to say that if there is no Mr. Ford then it's just going to look just as silly as it did in Star Trek Generations, that they didn't have the entire main cast from the original series of Star Trek. On the other hand keeping in mind how old the entire main cast from the original Star Wars Trilogy is, I'm just going to make an sofisticated  guess that Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill are just somewhere in the background and will most likely just do a cameo or something like that. But who knows? Maybe they will be the main characters in the upcoming trilogy, which is more than likely, but at least to me it will be rather awkward to see Han Solo, Princess - or is it a Queen Leia? and Luke Skywalker being so old. But hey, the movie ain't going to be out for at least another three years so who knows?

What I'm hoping for the movie to be? Simple: a good Star Wars movie. I would be much happier if they would and simply just remake the Prequels, so that they wouldn't suck, but unfortunately we would still have the original Prequel trilogy made by Mr. Lucas, so yeah it would still suck. What are my thoughts on that they are going to make a movie that's going to take place right after the Return of the Jedi? Well it's hard to say since the movie ain't out yet so it - Oh, who am I kidding? I don't like the idea one bit, since that's something I hoped when I was a kid but that never happened so I grew up, as thinking that there really shouldn't be another Star Wars movie after Return of the Jedi, so I'm just being an old man here saying that you shouldn't touch in the original trilogy aside from the constant Star Wars re-releases.

But the question I have is this: Will there be another re-release? Well the Blu-rays just came out so most likely not anywhere in the near future, that is of course when they're done showing Star Wars movies in cinemas in three glorious dimensions. Since according to Mr. Lucas, he thinks that the TV has evolved so much that it's possible to watch them in 3-D in one's home. Well at least it will be possible to see them in HD but who cares about that? And on the other hand, Lucas doesn't own the Star Wars license anymore so who knows what's going to happen? Now what's my opinion on this, that they are showing the Star Wars movies again in cinemas but in 3-D? Well the unfortunate reality in this is that, I don't have much of an opinion on 3-D. I simply just don't see that many movies anymore in theaters as I did a couple years back, so I have no formed opinion from 3-D - Oh hell! I just realized that now I need to form an opinion from this HFR stuff. For the name of St. Christian Anderson! Isn't there going to be an end to this? Anyways one technical advancement in Cinemas at a time. I have no formed opinion from 3-D, I haven't seen James Cameron's Avatar yet and judging from what I heard I'm not going to like it, so I'm planning to see it in 3-D, now incase you must know what was the first movie I saw  in 3-D it was the latest Shrek movie, I know that's sad and the second was that God awful Tintin movie and as then I saw it on DVD in two glorious dimensions and I noticed, just how non-existent the actual 3-D was and then I saw the Hobbit in 3-D and in HFR and the 3-D wasn't really that good in that movie, so still no opinion about the 3-D I know this is just sad. Now I didn't go and see the Star Wars Episode I in 3-D for a simple reason: I hadn't seen that movie in years, so if it was going to turn out that it hadn't aged well, meaning that it was going to suck I wasn't going to find out in a movie theater. But I saw an midnight screening from Brad Jones and co. and they said that the 3-D was non-existent in that one, but that they had added more fishes into that. Will I go and see any of the Star Wars movies in 3-D? Most likely the original Trilogy since, it would be fun to see them from a big screen for the first time.

But the question that I have from this is: Now that Disney has the rights to the Star Wars are they going to remake the Star Wars trilogy with Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse? No really I want to know! I know it's silly but for heaven's sake it's Disney! Oh, what if this is they're plan all along? Oh my God! No, it's not true, that's impossible! Isn't it? I mean just think about it: who is going to be Luke? Is it Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse? This bothered me so much, that when I heard that Disney had bought the Star Wars license the very same night just when I was trying to sleep I screamed for my sister who was in the next room: that Goofy is going to be Han Solo! I most certainly hope that it's not going to happen. But hey don't worry guys most likely it's going to be like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies you know live action- Oh no! the new Star Wars trilogy is going to suck right from the second movie isn't?

But what do I know. So this concludes my personal retrospective of Star Wars and what's more to say about it? The original Star Wars trilogy has a huge cult following and millions of people love it, and most of them even say that the Empire Strikes Back is they're favorite movie of all time, but to me from the original trilogy there is just one great movie and two really good ones, and I know that some people even like the Prequel trilogy. From that I don't have much to say since how I think that trilogy is just really tshi certainly they're just fine action movies but action without meaning is just boring action, I just fear that those who like the prequel trilogy now will realize at some point in the future just how tshi they really are and then we have another set of persons who will post an embarrassing video on YouTube on which they will say just what they have realized and goes on saying that - well you know the rest. But that truly is the magic of Star Wars. People love the original trilogy so much and many other will share that love in the future for a simple reason: it's Star Wars it's every single movie ever made rolled down into one great trilogy. And to answer another obvious question, I will just say what Mr. Stoklasa said: George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood, but rather disappointed my adulthood.

Wow! I'm now done with Star Wars. This is great! Well have a happy New Year and great holidays! I know I will! And hopefully I will post a new story of Mr. Laroche soon. Till next time: Live long and prosper Asahamana is out *snap*      

If you want a pizza roll visit this website: www.Redlettermedia.com since that's the website, from which I stole all my information concerning:  Star Trek Next Generation and Star Wars.

Greetings,
My league of vigilant readers and I still continue on my personal retrospect on Star Wars while hoping that I'm done somewhere on this millennium, but you never know. So hit it Hot Waffles!

But there was more to the story of Leia, Han and Luke  

As I said on my previous post: Star Wars Episode II the Attack of the Clones is the worst of the prequels, because it's such a chore to watch, because George Lucas doesn't know how to write a character story as Mr. Plinkett already said, so how is it better than the Phantom Menace? It succeeds on being a better dumb action flick. The last half an hour of the Attack of the Clones is perfect. Even though it really doesn't make a lick of sense, but it's a better dumb action flick than the Phantom Menace and what's funny about this was that I knew this even when I was just 14. Since while the Phantom Menace just felt like it was lacking something, I watched that movie real horroshow and I still do, I just suffer some brain damage while doing so. But the Attack of the Clones is much worse because of the ridiculous and impossible love story between Anakin and Padme and the last thirty minutes of the movie, while being awesome and great still doesn't quite make it up, because that love story is so bad. 

But let's move on to last of the prequel films the Revenge of the Sith, which has been said by many people that it's best one in the prequel trilogy - why? Simple: it's the best dumb action flick of the bunch and that's mostly, because it's the darkest of the whole prequel trilogy. And that's about it. It comes closest of being kinda like the original trilogy while still failing, but by this point the audience didn't care, because we already saw the Phantom Menace, which is the most disappointing thing since Mr. Plinkett's son but unlike Mr. Plinkett's son it's not going to die. Then came Attack of the Clones which was slightly better than the Phantom Menace and Lord knows that's a huge step upwards, even though it was still really bad. But The Revenge of the Sith, while still being tshi and I mean really tshi was still the best one in comparison because of all the action and the fact that it was so dark and there was no rastafari duck rabbit creatures talking, which was also really good. 

But if younger generations like the prequel trilogy so much then why didn't the older ones like it? Well like Mr. Plinkett said the audience just didn't connect with them. There was no likeable characters in the prequel movies, just bunch of boring, creepy androids and so many characters that were just CG and that feel like they don't exist. Interestingly enough, Mr. Lucas said in a commentary track that he doesn't get that when people say that CG is feels fake, you see to Mr. Lucas it's just like puppets and models, they're all fake so if you can do those fake images easier, like say with computers it really doesn't matter, since we all know that Jabba the Hutt isn't real or R2-D2, so who cares how you do them? If there's is an easier way to create the illusions the better. But back to the likeable characters: I actually really cared for Queen Amidala. Yeah I know right? Why you may ask? Well she was responsible leader who cared for her subjects. Yeah she was really boring and uninteresting but atleast I cared for her, because I got her motivations and felt her frustration with the senate. I also really liked Watto. Who Didn't? But Why? Because he's cool. He's so grumpy and all but still cares for Anakin even though the kid doesn't really care for him. As a matter of fact one of my favorite scenes in the Attack of The Clones iss when Anakin and Watto meet again. To me it was really heartwarming to see them together. And also I really liked Dexter Jettster, because he was pretty cool too and he was the only one who made Obi-wan Kenobi actually smile and relax! I also liked the Emperor, because he was so evil and loved every minute of it. So not everyone in the Star Wars prequels is uninteresting and boring, just the main cast. 

But let's talk about the CG in the prequel movies. I agree there is way too much of it but it's understandable the filming of the New Hope was a real hell like you all most likely know so that's why Lucas put other people to direct the Empire Strikes Back and the Return of the Jedi and he started to make the prequel films the CG had evolved so much that it was possible for Lucas to have what ever he wanted to have also after the success of the original trilogy who was going to talk against Lucas? And that's the problem with the prequels Lucas had too much control like Mr. Plinkett said movies ain't made by just one person they usually tend to have a ton of people making them and in the case of the original trilogy they were done like a team especially because of Gary Kurtz who while let Lucas to do what he wanted also said what was going to work and what wasn't and that's why the original trilogy worked so well. The only one that almost doesn't work in the original trilogy is the Return of the Jedi because in Lucas had more control than in the previous ones but it still ten times the movies than any of the prequel movies.  

So yeah that's my review of the prequel movies. I know I didn't bring anything new on the table put like I said, I just needed an outlet after I realized what a horrible, horrible movies the prequel films were, and now let's go on all the small nitpicky things that bothered me, but what I really can't put on anywhere else:

Why is Grand Moff Tarkin's hair black? My problem with this, is because otherwise he looks so old. 

Why haven't the Giant Godzilla monster eaten the whole town of rastafari duck rabbit creatures? 

Why are the rastafari duck rabbit creatures so technologically advanced? My problem with this just comes, from the Ewoks which were just a bunch of oversized teddy bears and undersized wookies, but did they live in some sort of Future city USA? No! They lived in treehouses and used rocks and pointy sticks against the Empire and thus Lucas was able to have some sort of clever social commentary, on Vietkong beating US because they wanted to win - also because Lando Calrissian went and blew that Deathstar that, had the Emperor in it and also, because of - Ok, so it was a team effort. Much like how Vietkong won in the 'Nam. 

Why is Padme so boring in the Phantom Menace? Even though she was one of my favorite characters in it, she was really boring, but in Attack of the Clones she was energetic and kinda interesting for the longest time I thought they - Oh who am I fooling? I'm still thinking that Lucas had no idea - Oh wait he didn't have an idea. 

So that's it whit my review of the Star Wars prequels. But my personal retrospective on the Star Wars goes on. I'll take the Saturday off so come back on Sunday as I will try to wrap this whole thing up with the final part where I talk about the future of the Star Wars. 

Till then: live long and prosper Asahamana is out *snap* 

    

Greetings,
 my league of vigilant readers, as my personal retrospect on Star Wars goes on I've must now talk about the darkest moment of my youth and also one of the darkest moments of Star Wars franchise and no I'm not going to talk about the Clone Wars movies, the TV-series or the Holiday special why? Because I like to end this somewhere on this millennium, so that's that. But unfortunately I've still have to talk about the prequels - may God have mercy on my soul. Hit it Hot Waffles!

But there's more to the story of Leia, Han and Luke 

Now as I've already said that: when I was ten I loved the Phantom Menace and rest of the prequels. Why? Simple they were dumb action movies and like I said I've had no idea that these had anything to do with the original trilogy way back when, because I was only ten and this thing called the Internet was still young. 

So what was the problem with the Star Wars prequels? The same one that's the problem, with the Star Trek Next Generation movies, they were dumb action flicks and while I like a good action flick every now and then much, like everyone else, Star Wars and Star Trek Next Generation weren't really something that one could make an action movie out of. And here's why: 

Star Wars 

Star Wars was always more about introspective things: finding ones place in this crazy universe: Luke became a Jedi and went on to train more Jedis on Yavin IV, Han became a husband, father and a senator with he's wife Leia and Chewbacca became a really cool uncle to the children of Han and Leia. But the original trilogy was more about force which is well - hard to explain actually - um - it's really cool magic that lets you do some really cool things if you're good enough. 

Now don't get me wrong, The original trilogy had some really cool action scenes and so on, but they had a deeper meaning as Mr. Plinkett said it in he's Star Wars review. Like every lightsaber fight was over really fast, but you remember because of all the build up, there was taunting and there was times during the lightsaber fights when there was no fighting at all, just Luke trying to find Vader and they used force. Not to mention Luke didn't really use he's lightsaber that often which I get, because even though I've love the lightsaber as much as any other person I would have to admit that it's really useless when lazer weaponry is still widely available, not to mention when one can use something like force it really begs the question: Why would some use something like a lightsaber? 

And here's the reasons: it looks cool and it takes skill to swing it around so you wouldn't hit yourself, because they will cut anything they hit. So that's the thing with Star Wars: It's more about introspective deeper things like finding ones place and so on, everything else is just to make it look cooler I think - oh wait  know I remember- Star Wars is an modern day homage to the classic sci fi adventure serials of 40's that Lucas used watch all the time, when he was a kid and the whole force thing is just some dumb MacGuffin invented by Lucas to make things more interesting to the audience, because it would be kind of boring just to see them rescue Leia from the Empire all the time. Or something I don't really know - now look what I've just did! I wrote for this long about the nature of Star Wars even though I've have no goddamn idea why the hell is there something like the force? Go to hell George Lucas! I bet you don't even know what the force is - oh wait you don't! Please, someone go and ask Gary Kurtz from about this force thing! 

Oh wait! I've just got it what's the thing with the force: I'ts an classical mythological element that George Lucas used - oh wait that doesn't make a lick of sense! Ok so the bottom line is this: Star Wars was more about introspective things, you know, about more deeper and boring things, made so that the dumb popcorn eating masses, could write essays about it and make themselves look smart, because all the other movies that tackle on these same things - ok now I'm just wasting everyone's time! Let's just go on to: 

Star Trek: The Next Generation 

Ok, this one is going to be done really fast. Mainly because it has nothing do with anything and I don't even know that much about Star Trek: Next Generation, not to mention I don't care enough about Star Trek to write an essay about it.

Star Trek is like an intergalactic Scoopy Doo but in space and more badasser and generally better than Scoopy Doo in many ways. It's also more about finding the peaceful way to solve conflicts, so that not that many green aliens would have to die. I mean most of the episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation are really boring and tackle on intergalactic politics, while boldly going where no-one has gone before. There is some action, every now and then to keep things interesting but that's not the focus of the entire series.

Now I haven't seen any of the Next Generation movies and most of my knowledge about them comes from Mr. Plinkett's review's so the hell Ii I know. I heard some good things about the First Contact one and even some good things about the Nemesis one so hell if I know, but let's go on about the Star Wars Prequels.

But then all came more tears 

Now if you have a half of brain or even some taste or anything you might already know that the prequels suck! Even I know that now but it wasn't always so. Like I said back when I actually liked them, but there was some problems coming right from the horizon: 

You see I didn't rush to get the DVD:s when they came out, know the only special edition I have about the prequels is the Revenge of The Sith in 2 DVD special edition. Now I don't own the Blu-rays and I'm not planning to, mostly because I have the original films in that 2006 special DVD limited edition and Lucas said they are going to be the last so as far as I'm considered, if there is not going to be any new special edition that has the deleted scenes to the original trilogy, the 2006 limited special edition is the last special release. And for the longest time I had the Attack of the Clones as an VHS to oppose the DVD. Mostly because the DVD copy of Attack of the Clones, was really hard to come by back when, but I did and I now own it on DVD without the second DVD like I own the Phantom Menace so I'm happy. 

Anyways there is ton of problems with the prequel trilogy and ton of people have already talked about them including Mr. Plinkett, so I'm damned if I'm going to waste my time on them. Not to mention all my problems whit the movies logic are in the Phantom Menace one and even then it's mostly, just about the Gungans, you know the rastafari duck rabbit creatures, that live on the same lake with giant Godzilla monsters and have some sort of weird force field technology, shoot some weird blue balls that kill robots and have electric spears. But here is the question: Why doesn't the Trade Federation just send in some destroyer droids to be done with the rastarfari duck rabbit creatures in the open battle field? Not to mention: what was the Naboo's plan on taking out that droid control ship? I mean it's kinda like the Deathstar right? So what's they're plan? Don't get me wrong I like Zapp Brannigan as much a next person, but even he made battle plans. Look I've just wasted everyone's time on some questions that will never be answered, so let's go on with the Attack of the Clones. 

Attack of the Clones is by far the worst of the prequel films, even though it's better than Phantom Menace. Now that doesn't make a lick of sense now does it? So let me explain: I can see Phantom Menace any day of the year and I will just suffer some brain damage, but the Attack of the Clones does something worse: it wastes my time, with one of the worst romance's in cinema history and with some good Shakesperean dialogue that doesn't belong in to Star Wars.

 So why is it good? It's much better dumb action flick than Phantom Menace. In Phantom Menace there was nothing at risk, than a dumb planet that only had one city and a lake filled with rastafari duck rabbit creatures that lived alongside with some giant Godzilla monsters, so the rastafari duck rabbit creatures must have tasted pretty bad or they were poisonous.  

God I'm sorry but once again I'm running out of time so let's get back tomorrow! Till then live long and prosper! Asahamana is out *snap*

Greetings my league of vigilant readers the my Star Wars retrospect continues on as I will tackle on the prequels and the special editions. This is going to be long. Hit it Hot Waffles!

Then couple a years later it all became a lie 

It was the first advent of the December of 1999. My mom took me and my sisters to our local school that had a big ballroom, since they were showing movies out there, this time they were showing Star Wars Episode I the Phantom Menace and it was:  

THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE HAD EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!

Keep in mind I was ten so all I was seeing was: space ships and lightsabers and force, so who really cared about some small things like the plot or logic it was Star Wars! Interestingly enough I realized the fact that these were the prequels to the original trilogy by the time of Attack of the Clones, when I noticed that they were building the Death Star, That's when my dad said it that these were the prequels after the movie. So yeah I was kinda dumb way back when. By the time the Revenge of the Sith came around I was already hyped! You see the first Lego Star Wars game was out and for a brief moment I've had played the first level of Revenge of the Sith so I knew what was going to happen and it was even awesomer! 

Still I didn't get the DVD box set of the Original trilogy the -99 version that is yet, only when my local library's copy of the New Hope was gone did I do that and it was great to see the New Hope once again, but this had some changes in it. The most obvious one to me was the Jabba the Hutt scene which I really didn't care for when I was younger but nowadays it makes no sense that's like if Marlon Brando would go on "making deals that you can't refuse" himself in the Godfather movies, you just don't do that! Not to mention the Jabba the Hutt looks like shit nowadays. But the scene that pissed me off was the addition of Luke talking to Biggs Darklighter just - just why? Even to this day and age it still bugs me, it makes no sense! Luke doesn't even care when he's best friend dies in the battle? Not until that one Star Wars book anyways, so why is that scene there? It still bugs me and that scene is really, really close on ruining the entire movie to me. And then there is the scene of X-wings and Y-wings flying above the atmosphere of Yavin 4 and I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that scene! 

Yes, that one scene of the X- and Y-wings flying off in space just above the Yavin IV pisses me off more than any other added scene in the New Hope. Why? Simple it looks like shit! It's some of the worst CG I've ever seen, not that the models looked that good either but they were models this is just some really really bad CG right there. But aside from those changes I really don't mind - Oh wait: Who shot first? Han. Greedo never shot. I swear to God if I ever meet that person who started this whole debate I will pay him 20€ for noticing something like that, because I've never noticed that. What about all the other changes made in the original trilogy? Well like I said I've never cared about the Empire Strikes Back or Return of The Jedi so I never cared about those changes, aside from Return of the Jedi when they changed the ending song, seriously Lucas that's not cool, no-one is allowed to touch on the work of John Williams why? Because he's a great composer! And then there is Hayden Christensen, seriously I'm more offend by the fact that Jar Jar is on the original trilogy these days. 

Anyways I'm running out of time so I'm going to talk about the prequels tomorrow so till then: Live Long and Prosper Ashamana is out *snap* 

Star Wars

Greetings my league of Vigilant readers!

Well I'd promise you on my Youtube-video about making an in depth analysis over the Star Wars prequel films, but here's the thing:

There is no point on doing that for Lord knows how manyth time it's been done by other people hell I'm pretty sure that that's why we created Internet in the first place to talk about how bad the prequels we're and are. Then there is the fact that I saw the RedLetterMedia review of it and boy did I love it. So yeah there's the reasons why I'm not going to do an In depth analysis over it in the first place but will do that over the Tintin movie that god awful piece of shit. Not to mention there is the fact I don't want to see the Star Wars prequel movies, as in At all!

So what am I going to do is my own retrospect on the Star Wars. Hit it Hot Waffles!

It was 1996 when the world became alive - 

Ah yes the 90's hands down the second greatest decade known to man. I was just a wee lad and I had lent an VHS-tape from my local library and that was Star wars episode IV the New Hope. I still remember it like it was yesterday it was a midsummer Saturday and my dad came and asked if he can he see it with me and I said that of course since he was my dad, one of the greatest men who ever lived and still lives. So as you can guess I was hyped since it's not everyday my dad would like to watch a movie with me, when I was wee lad but on this time he did, so the movie had to be something special.

Being still exited I didn't even care if I had to see these two guys talking about Star Wars one of them being the infamous creator of Star Wars George Lucas. I don't remember whether or not we finished the opening talk or not but what I do remember was seeing the New Hope and man was it great. Needles to say it blew my child mind away. Because that was New Hope.

After seeing the New Hope I didn't see the other parts of the original trilogy 'till I saw the prequels mainly because my parents didn't own them and my local library didn't own them either might seem strange but back then you we're lucky if you're local library had the sequels of the original movie or TV-series or whatnot so I didn't see them. But I guess didn't want to either, you see a friend of mine's brothers owned the original trilogy on VHS but I didn't lend for reasons I don't know - maybe it was because The New Hope was just so so great.

Anyways years came by and then I saw the sequels and well -
           I-
       ..................................................
                    You know it's - really - a - yeah

SO OK I DIDN'T LIKE THEM!

It's not that the Empire Strikes Back or Return of The Jedi we're bad or anything they're just - well - Not as good.

So how the hell do I dare not to like, what is many peoples favoritest movie of all time: The Empire Strikes Back? Simple - the beginning.
I still even to this day and age have no idea how they get from the happy ending of Yavin IV to the sad and cold Hoth system. Yes yes they say that all kinds of things happened but what? Han met a bounty hunter well why can't we meet him too? Luke is a commander, oh come on! And Leia is not important well that makes sense, her home planet blew off and the rebellion is still on and - hey wait what happened those tree old guys at the end of New Hope? Are they with the fleet? If so why isn't anyone else? And how big is this rebel force anyway?

Yeah it really is all the small things that bug me on Empire Strikes Back like: if Solo is the best they have why they let him go? Or a better question: if Luke is the commander of the rebels why they led him go and is he a leader of this branch of the Rebel army or what? And how big is the rebel alliance? I'm just asking because planets tend to be really big like there's this one planet called the Earth that has what? 6-7 billion people in it so shouldn't the Rebel Alliance be about that size and if it's a military force why is it so easy to leave when ever you want to? Especially if you're as good as Han Solo?

But despite of those nitpicks I still like the original trilogy and ewoks? I like them yeah they're too cute and I'd like if they we're wookies instead but hey can't get everything. The original Trilogy was and is solid trilogy and we couldn't wait for more so come back tomorrow as I start talking about darker times for Star Wars Universe.

'till then Live Long and Prosper Asahamana is out *snap*  

What's happening?

Greetings My vigilant readers, it's been awhile hasn't it?

And now my sorry excuse why:

As you may or may not know I was in Estonia from 17.6 to 29.8 and during it I was living under some rather nice conditions but also under the worst internet connection ever. I kid you not it was the worst Internet  connection I've ever used.

First off my laptop is allready pretty slow since I being stuffin' it with games and such, and the Internet connection didn't make it any better. The Internet connection was so bad that it took me 2 hours to watch a 15 minute video in Youtube and that was if I didn't restart the Internet connection or my computer. So it was really, really slow and completly unreliable it was going off all the time and it was slow.

So after fighting for about hour and half just to check my e-mail, I decided that I'm not going to post anything 'till I get home, and then when I got home I thought that I'm home. So I just decided to rest and while I was resting I got distracted by the games and stuff so yeah. Plus I suffred from a writers block and being allready rather slow writer of stories and what not I really wasn't doing that well.

But now I'm going to make it all up - again.

I don't know if any you guys are trusting me at this point, because I get no feedback and you get no updates. So all I can give you at this point is once again my word that there are going to be more posts in the future - what little that means. But since I get zero feedback and I'm not even sure if the ads are showing I'm just going to believe that either you all are in that sad phase of shared sense of shame and don't want to say anything because of that or that no-ones reading these or even caring about what I'm doing.

So there is going to be alot more posts in the future and hopely I will even get paid from this, 'till next time live long and prosper!  

Quain Laroche #1

May 10 1940

I'm at my post, we've been told that Boche is just opposite to us, doing nothing. We are waiting them to attack. We want eagarly to kill them, shoot them to pieces, bombard them to death. We are waiting, they'll 'ave to attack at somepoint they can't wait for indefinetly, not like us they are not in the invincible Maginot.

It's June now. Boche 'as conquered all of France. They live in Paris, they live in Bourdeaux. The only place where the french can live without Boche is in Shout, in Vichy.

I? I live in Paris, in the streets of it. I'm Quain Laroche. I was born in Colmair in 1920, two years after the war, yes my father was lucky. I went to school, then I went to army, then I was at my post in Maginot. Then I woked up in Paris. That's all I know.

Every day I see Boche. They leave me alone and I leave them alone. I saw 'itler. For a glance but still. For a moment I though that I saw Chaplin, but there's a difference I'm not sure what it is but there 'as to be.

I'm missing in action since may. French live with Boche I don't know 'ow but they do. I live in streets so that's what I see everyday. They live with Boche, if my dad knew about this 'e would die. My dad, where is 'e, where is mom? Are they still alive? Are they living with Boche? My dad wouldn't, 'e always said that the only good Boche was a death Boche no matter what. I think my parent's left Colmair

.

Life in the streets isn't as rough as everyone makes it sound like. Or then I don't see it. Everything is fine till curfew, then things get difficult. Boche guards the streets and makes sure everyone is inside or outside with an Ausweis. I 'ide Boche in the shadows of street. I 'ide from Boche mmhp. Doesn't sound right.

The only thing that's 'ard in the streets is wet- and coldness, that's what I 'ate. My clothes been dirty for as long as I remember, not the uniform I don't know where it is. I'm 'ungry. That's another thing I 'ate 'unger.

I 'eard that theres a man called De Gaulle's executioner around. Don't know who is De Gaulle, 'e 'ad a speech but I didn't 'ear it. Some 'ero left France so that 'e could lead us against Boche. Doesn't make sense to me. But 'e's executioner I like. Because 'e kills Boche. I only like Boche when they are death.

Who am I? Quain Laroche. But where did I came from? All I remember is Colmair, then Maginot, then I woke up in here, Paris the Bordell of Boche. Whole France is Boche's Bordell except Vichy I don't know what that is, I shoud go there to see it myself, but for now I should go to Colmair, to Maginot – away from the Bordell of Boche.

I left Paris. That's the good thing of being 'omeless. No-one cares what you do. You are considered a burden, a leach. And as soons as you leave the better. I don't know what time it is. It's unimportant all I care is wheter it's sunny or rainy or wheter it's night or a day. That's all you care when you don't live in a 'ouse.

I sleep in forests I walk in roads, I'm in the countryside. On my way to Colmair, on my way to answers. All I see is Boche. All I see is french whoring to Boche. All I see is traitors. But they'll pay, someday they'll pay when they're pimps aren't protecting them.

Countryside is boring, all I see is ruins, and french with they're pimps. All I see is french rebuilding they're brothels for they're customers.

I 'eard from De Gaulle's Executioner. 'e 'ad killed 20 boche. Don't know if it's true all I know and care is that 'e kills Boche and Boche are afraid of 'im. That's good. Maybe I should stop my search for answers for now. There's plenty of time when Boche is gone. I 'eard about resistance. They call themselves Free Franche. I should join in them.

I've join up to resistance. I can kill boche know. I 'ave my first assignment tonight. It's nothing big, we are going to ambush a lorry full of ammunition and weapons. Tonight I'm finally going to kill Boche.

We are 'iding in a ditch near a road, we're the lorry is suppose to go by. There is five of us. Our brave leader is Rene Artoi's 'e is about my age, bravest of us, right after the armistice 'e went and cut off a telephone line. 'e was caught but nothing was done to 'im. Auguste Artoi's is Rene's brother not us brave as 'e's brother who forced 'im to join recistance so that 'e couldn't give Rene in, about two year's younger than Rene though. There's Jacque 'cause there always 'ave's to be Jacque, 'e's 'appy fatty, in 'es thirties. There's Francoi's who is the brains of our group, 'cause you need someone like 'im 'e's the right 'and man of Rene. Then there's me, the only 'omeless of the group, the man who no-one care's and neither do I, but I want to kill boche.

The lorry is coming. Jacque is nervous and so is Auguste. Rene is not, I don't know about Francoi's atleast 'e doesn't show that 'es nervous, that's good. Me? Why should I be nervous? I can kill Boche! I'am lucky if I don't stop the lorry myself. We put some big rocks on the road, that should stop the lorry. Rene said that we should check our weapons I checked my rifle, it's good.

The lorry came, it stopped just as we planned. We attack it, Rene tells the Boche to come out of the lorry and they do, dum bastards! Jacques is left guarding them while Rene and Francoi's check the lorry and it's gargo. Me and Auguste? We guard. Rene comes and tells that the gargo is okay now we 'ave to dispose the Boche I'll volunteer.

I take them away and kill them it was easy. Then I cut off they're 'ead then I mutilate them it doesn't matter they're Boche they are the filth! They are the burden of free France they're the burden of the fucking world! I take my time I didn't know that it felt this good. They send Jacque to get me 'e sees what I've done 'e wonders why I didn't just kill them and I say I did then I mutilated them. 'e then tells me to get to the lorry 'cause it's time I do.

I'm in the lorry and now I know who is Quain Laroche, 'e is a murder, a Boche killer 'e 'ates Boche 'e may not know who 'e is but time will tell – sooner or later – time will tell.

THE END

My Thoughts on Terra Nova

Originally written in May.

Greetings my vigilant readers, it's been a while I know. My laptop's USB-ports went kaboom on late February and was on maintenance pretty much the entire March then when I got it back on March-April I was feeling real lazy and I basically did nothing execpt played GTA San Andreas and beat it.

Let me tell you GTA San Andreas was one hard son of a bitch of a game to beat but I did it! Yeah I'm on top of the world now.

But know that you know why I've done nothing I'll give you my five cents on Terra Nova. But now you're yelling that I'm a year late and you're be right- execpt that it was just shown in Finland and ended about a month ago, so there you go.

Now let me tell you another thing I'm sorry.

Yeah I'm sorry 'cause it got cancelled.

Now I got nothing to do about it, but to me that a show like Terra Nova got cancelled only tells about the sad sad state of american sci-fi. I heard that Firefly got cancelled after one season and I've heard nothing bad about it, only good so I thought that it got cancelled because it was too "complicated" cowboys in space you see.

Then even made a movie about it called Serenity wich bombed at the box office so it was released only on DVD here on Finland and since I heard nothing than good about it I bought it haven't seen it yet but I'm planning to.

But back to Terra Nova now I kinda get it why no-one watched Firefly and therefore was cancelled but a show like Terra Nova being cancelled after one season is truly sad.

Now don't get me wrong I didn't like Terra Nova one bit - yet I saw every single lousy episode of it but I thought it was just the right amount of crap to continue 'till the end of the days.

I first got on Terra Nova when I was watching the Big Bang theory and then on a commerical break I saw this ad for Terra Nova and I thought that it was pretty cool. Then on the next weekend I went to see my sister in Turku and ads for Terra Nova was all over the place it even had an article about it in the News paper it didn't say much except it was produced by Spielbergh and it wasn't going to be like Jurassic Park and that it had a huge budget so I thought to myself that it was going to be one hell of show.

Then the saturday came it was nine pm. I was sitting on my sister's couch all ready to see the very next TV-show since Lost and boy was I dissapointed. It sucked. Yet I found myself watching it every saturday just being amazed on how it failed to live up to hype.

I read that others were thinking the same thing.
Some said that it characters sucked being too cliche and everything but I thought that it sucked all the way. Not just because of the characters all though that's one reason. They were boring and cliched you had seen them about million times in other movies and you will see them on future.
The father of the main family was just a dumb stereotypic dope, the boy was the regular teenager you see in American Pie movies, the girl was the regular "good girl" and samething with the mother and the babydaughter was just cute that's all. The villains were just the evil company trying to rob the past earth's resources for they're own good and that's it!

And then the writing you though that the characters were onedimensional you know nothing! The writing was so cliched it hurt and had huge huge plotholes! For instance in the episode Vs. Taylor was so close capturing the sixer's mole but didn't 'cause he need to tell the whole truth about the body to Jim and therefore doomed the entire colony! And here's another thing that bugged me:

WHY IN THE HOLY NAME OF GOD DIDN'T THIS TAKE PLACE IN SPACE! WHERE THE HELL WAS EARTH'S SPACE PROGRAM! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT IN THE FUTURE THEY DECIDE TO CLOSE NASA BECAUSE GOING IN SPACE HAS NO PURPOSE AND COSTS TOO MUCH! YOU'VE JUST TRAVELLED THROUGH DIMENSIONS AND TIME! YOU IDIOTS! 

*sigh*pant pant*
So yeah that's my biggest problem with this show but there is some good about it:
I liked the production quality and the whole world they just created. But it all comes down on one thing Terra Nova was just a really dumb show that was just being a good no-brainer to end my Saturdays. Thank God Yle decided to start showing the modern Doctor Who again or I would have become I don't know what. But anyway, I too feel bad about it cancellation 'cause to me it was just so dumb to go on and on but if it should continue I wouldn't care would I be watching it? I don't know - maybe? Anyway Live Long and Prosper and I try to be less of a lazy ass. 

The Unknown Soldier book review

Greetings my league of vigilant readers and wievers alike.

This is the second part of that colossal trainwreck that was The Unknown Soldier.

The Unknown Soldier book review

Greetings to you my league of vigilant viewers and readers alike.

Yes this is it. The time has come when I'll give you the links to my videos on Youtube. I should give you some production notes here: making the Unknown Soldier was a pain in my ass! I hated, hated every minute of doing it 'cause I had no idea what I was doing, and unfortunately enough: it shows, someday I'll revisit this someday I'll make a commentery on this, Till then live long prosper and you've been warned!

The story of Golden Voice

Greetings my league of vigilant readers. 

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when, when I was just a wee lad, we were watching movies and tv-series from vhs-tapes (also from that black box that's also known as a TV), and since I was just a wee lad most of the movies and tv-series were dubbed. The most famous from this was Golden Voice later known as Agapio racing team, to symblozie they're prodcution values I guess. 

Now hold you're horses, I know I just said Agapio racing team, the voice over studio that made some of the worst voice overs you'll ever hear, but the thing was that the Golden Voice was actually a lot, lot better. I KNOW, right! Why? Well relax and I'll tell you. Golden Voice was a finnish voice over studio that did voice overs to following tv-series and ova's 

Alf 
Barbapapa 
Denver the last dinosaur 
Carebears
Blondie (tv-specials) 
Heman and the masters of the universe 1983 version (propably one or two vhs's 'cause I haven't seen them in finnish language.)
Ginga: Nagareboshi Gin (the edited version)
Jungle book (anime OVA)
Captain N 
Heathcliff 
Beauty and the beast (WTF!!!!! Anime ova? or the Disney version? Seriously WTF!!!!!)
Lady lady!! 
Lady lovely locks (never heard of) 
Beetle Bailey 
World of Maxes
Once upon a time...-series (not including the Space since the ones that I've see are speaken in swedish so they propably only translated it)
Little Mermaid (anime OVA) 
Maple Town Monogatari
The Smurfs
Kimagure Orange Road
The all new Popeye hour
The new adventures of Flash Gordon
The Super Mario bros. Super show!
Tiny Toons
Top Cat
Dennis the Menace
Peter Pan (anime OVA)
Yakari

And now I'll admit that I haven't seen even half of these, but that's not my point, my point is that despite the fact some of the voice overs bordered on being really, really bad some of the were for finnish stantards okay like Tiny Toons, The all new Popeye hour, The Smurfs, Heathcliff, Dennis the Menace, Carebears, Little Mermaid (yes I seen it) and Ginga: Nagareboshi Gin. 


And I'll even give it to you that some of them were really, really bad like Denver the last dinosaur. And I'll even admit that Golden Voice wasn't known for it's good quality, some of the translations were really bad, having serious mistakes, and on technical standpoint they sucked - HARD! But to me there was one series that proofs all this to be not true and that's they're work on Once upon a time... a Human. WHY? 'cause I've seen both version's and I'll have to admit that even though Golden Voice had some serious problems with it, it's still a lot better than the one that YLE did, yes I KNOW! But then YLE got itself together and did execellent work with rest of the Once upon a time...-series.

And even though Golden Voice wasn't known for a great quality, it still got payed, and translated everything that Future Film had to bring Finland and even some of the tv-series 'cause Golden Voice was pretty much the cheapest option. So all through to -95 Golden Voice was doing fine, then it changed it's name to Agapio Racing team, and this is when things started to go wrong.

Up untill now Golden Voice had done decent work, but as soon as it changed it's name to Agapio racing team they're quality went downhill. Where as Golden Voice's quality ranged from decent to pretty good Agapio racing team's quality ranged from painfully bad to decent. I'll give you an example you all know Foxes Peter Pan, the one wich Nostalgia Critic has talked so fondly as one of the greatest animated series of our childhood? Yeah the reason why I never got into it was the fact that it's Finnish voice-over was horrible! 
And people started to notice this, since there allready was Production House Werne and PVP, wich did decent to really good voiceovers people started to rebel against Agapio racing team and it's rights to do voice overs were given to other Finnish voice over studios. 

Agapio racing team died pretty soon after this, only to start another studio wich name I don't really know 'cause after Agapio racing team I really stopped caring about them.

24.2.2012 My thoughts about one very well known gamer

Greetings to you and all.

If you are a vigilant viewer of my video series you should know that one of my longest running joke is Chris Bores, or as you might know him: the I rate gamer. I'm not going to talk about him too much since I trust that most of you allready know him.

What can you say about him? Nothing much, you can allready tell by the fact that I made fun about him, that he has become the puchline of Internet, just by saying he's name out loud is like talking some ancient curse or a beast that was so horrible that people of the ancient times made a law that none should say it's name.

But still there are people who like him, according to my sources these are 11-year old boys who like anyone who says the F-word and hates old games. Some have allready lot all hope on future generations, because of that, me? I haven't we all liked bad stuff when we we're kids like Pokemon anime-series. To me this is just a generation thing and they are going to grow out of I rate gamer once they realize that he's bad.

But now we come to the subject. Is he bad? Yes, yes he is. He's acting is wooden, he's "research" is like reading the "Warfare of through ages" by Montgomery of El-Alamein's chapter where he was talking about the first world war, in wich everything he said was wrong, okay maybe not all of it. But you get my point he sucks because he doesn't do he's research and he picks wrong games to hate, basicly this is the thing that I admire in mister Bores no matter what no matter how good that game mind actually be he still manages to hate it for ridicilous reasons.

 Does this mean that I like him? Of course not! He's like one of those kids in youtube who rip games apart because they think that the reason why AVGN is funny is because he says the F-word countless times in he's videos and uses toilet humour, the difference in here is this somehow mister Bores made it big, to the point we're he makes money out of it.

Yet I can still see why some people like him and I'm not talking about the 11-year old boys. If you didn't grew up with the games mister Bores is talking about you don't know and you don't care. For instance the first video of I rate gamer I ever saw was he's Contra series and since I didn't grew up with Nintendo I had no idea about the game, all I knew was that it was number 10 in the Gameheroes top 10 list of best hardest NES games so seeing he's Contra series really answered so many questions I had. It wasn't perfect I mean it's mister Bores but it did answer to my questions about Contra, okay not all of them but to most of them. And then the production values of he's video series is amazing, well for a Internet review show atleast. I mean only the Nerd or the Critic have the same production values, but unlike mister Bores they have talent.

And that's the downfall of mister Bores you'd think that by now he had learned he's lessons but no he hasn't and he never will be. Should you yell to me that I made you watch videos of mister Bores? What's the point the damage has allready been made.

Also check out this Blog: I rate game sucks! It's a great blog.